Don’t You DARE Call Me a Decorator! April 21, 2010
Posted by katie @ k.c.i.d. in Uncategorized.2 comments
I really hate when I do this. Take so long to write a blog I mean. When I let this much time go by, so much happens that I want to write about that I eventually get to a point where I’m like, “eh, eff it – it’s just too much” and then I put it off longer. But now here I am, and it’s time to play catch up. Oh and p.s., you might notice that I have a new blog theme. Perhaps it’s because I started this blog during a less than stellar time of my life, but that old theme just started to seem too dark to me. So I thought this new theme appropriate, #1 because I LOVE the moon, stars, etc. (in fact, a special little someone actually had a star named after me not so long ago…), and #2 because, as you’ll see by the end of this post, I am starting a new and QUITE stellar part of my life. Sidenote: Although it may seem a little Debbie-downerish (and though I hate to admit it, I’m getting just a smidge too old…), I am keeping the “Quarter Life Crisis” title, if for no other reason than to remind me where I started…
Okay, so the big events. I have mentioned before that to work in commercial design in the great state of Florida, you must have a Florida license. To get a Florida license, you must have passed the NCIDQ examination. “NCIDQ” stands for National Council for Interior Design Qualification and all I remember learning about it in school was that I never, ever wanted to take it. The teacher explained all about it and how the creme de la creme were the only ones who took it and usually it was after at least 10-15 years working in design, and even then the exam only carried a 30% pass rate. “Holy crap – no interest in that”, I thought to myself. “And I’ll never really NEED it….” It dawns on me now that this reminds me of a story wherein my father decided that he didn’t really need to learn Spanish in high school, so he worked out a deal with the teacher so that whenever there was a test, he’d come in and sign his name, and be on his merry way to lunch. He gladly accepted three straight “F’s”. And by the way, thanks for that Dad, seeing as though my brother and I BOTH had the same lady teach us Spanish 20 years later! Sure was a surprise for her when she called roll the first day, recognized my last name and leaned over to get a good look at my face while simultaneously saying, “Noooooooo!” But she was nice to me and my bro and she definitely appreciated the fact that my “I’ll never need Spanish” Dad has worked in Miami for the last fifteen years. I’m not sure how familiar all of you are with the cultural dynamics of Miami, but ummmm, the majority of the roadsigns aren’t even in English. Point being, knowing a smidge of Spanish woulda come in handy for him. I am now seeing how hilariously ironic it is that things like this always seem to come full circle. Dad needed Spanish, and I need an NCIDQ certification.
While I try to stay positive at the vet and I am supremely thankful that I was able to find a job in such a scary market, it’s tough. Sparing all of the often-times horriffic details, I’ll just say that over the last ten working days I’ve had four different people hand me four different dead dogs before 8:30 a.m. Not that someone handing you a dead dog at any time of the day would really be loads better, but when it happens before you can even down a complete cup of coffee?! Well let’s just say it’s not really an inspiring way to start the day, and it has finally started to get to me. Also, I’m a little bit DONE with all of the dog shit. I would be absolutely ecstatic if I could just go one full day without someone handing me a warm bag of poo. BUT, all of the negativity aside, the very very best thing about this job is that it’s made me miss design with a burning passion. When I moved here I was confused and burnt out and wasn’t even sure if I wanted to still do design. But I miss it! And I LOVE it! I know now that I chose the right profession for ME from the very beginning. That is a pretty cool feeling.
So naturally, now that I’m all fired up about it, I can not WAIT to get back into design. Studying for the NCIDQ was the perfect reminder of why I love design and all of the things that I was missing about it. I had really kinda taken a “decorator’s/sales” job in Columbus and, while I seriously kicked ass at it and won all kinds of sales awards and whatnot, actual design is MUCH different… Hence why whenever someone calls me a “decorator” I want to hammer bamboo chutes under their fingernails. So that everyone reading this knows the difference and avoids this faux pas later in life, ANYONE can be a decorator. Anyone. My dachshund Baron could be a decorator. There is no certification required, no degree required, just the whole, “I’m good at decorating” attitude, and that’s it! A designer, on the other hand, has a 5 year (or 4.5 year in my case) degree from an accredited university, can draw entire space plans (blue prints) accurately, can draw reflected ceiling plans, lighting plans, knows about HVAC, plumbing, lighting, and life safety systems integration and can competently work with the individuals who install these systems, they can draw life safety plans, calculate occupancy loads, draw egress plans, draw handicap accessible space plans according to ADA specifications, they can correctly draw and specifiy millwork sections and elevations, AND do all of the finish “decorating” work, like choosing fabrics, finishes, etc. Point being: don’t call me a fucking decorator.
The NCIDQ is a comprehensive test that goes back to everything that a designer learns in school. It is a two day test that is offered only once every six months and you must meet a huge list of requirements to even apply for this test. When I moved here I had juuuuuust missed the deadline to apply for the Fall session of the test. So I immediately began gathering all of the forms, letters, and paperwork that were required to apply for the Spring 2010 session. First, I needed $160 to apply. Ok, no prob. Then, I needed a “Work Verification Form” that proves that I have worked for a minimum of 9,500 hours in the design profession. (Sidenote: Can I tell you how tricky it was to get a work verification form signed by your previous employer when you’ve just divorced that person?… Had to get a little creative on that one – and NO, I did not forge anything.) Next, I had to get three letters of recommendation from my “professional peers”, and the obnoxious part about all of this was that I had to send my “professional peers” these letters with instructions and special return envelopes (that they had to return to me), and they all had to sign across the seal of the envelope and I was not allowed to open them. (I really wanted to though – and thank you to the peeps/peers who did this for me. I definitely owe you guys!) Then, I had to request my official Auburn transcript to be sent back to me in another one of these signed/sealed envelopes, then all of that stuff (my letter of application, Auburn transcript, peer letters, and work verification) had to go in an envelope with about 30 other forms that I personally had to fill out, and it all had to be mailed to NCIDQ in a special packet and postmarked by a certain date. I mailed the packet in November and they tell you that it’ll take up to eight weeks for you to know if you’re even accepted in to take the test. GEE THANKS – I guess I’ll just go ahead and order the $300 worth of study materials in the HOPES that I get accepted then??? And let me tell you what – it was hard to drop that packet into the mailbox. I had spent so much time working on it and double checked everything at least 87 times. I definitely had to give myself a pep talk in the car in order to finally drop it into the mail box.
I got my acceptance e-mail back just a few weeks later – thankfully I didn’t have to wait the full 6-8 – so at that point all I had to do was rob a few liquor stores to come up with the $835 to register for the test and another $300 for all of the study materials, and then operation “Study for NCIDQ” commenced. The test is two days long, eight hours both days. The first day consists of 300 multiple choice questions – 150 in the morning session covering codes, building systems, construction standards, and contract administration, and 150 in the afternoon session covering design application, project coordination and professional practice. The second day is the practicum. It consists of seven different excercises - space planning, lighting design, egress, life safety, restroom (washroom) design, systems integration and millwork. Oh my GOD it exhausts me to even think of it now. Every spare moment that I had I was studying. I had this whole house covered up in space plans, I always had the laptop in my lap double-checking my work, I reviewed the practice mulitiple choice about a zillion times, I pulled out all my old college notes and books and everything that I thought would help. It was exhausting, and often times frustrating as hell, but it was FUN! It reminded me of all the stuff that I haven’t done since school and my first job out of college and I remembered how much I LOVE it. I had become so lackadaisical with my “decorator’s” job (and my life, but that’s a blog for another day), and had just forgotten what it was all about and why I chose that profession.
And in true “I can’t believe this bullshit is happening to me” fashion, on the last full day that I had to study, the bf’s 130 lb. Great Dane had explosive (and splashing) diarrhea all over my house. AS IF I DON’T DEAL WITH DOG SHIT ENOUGH AT WORK?! Now I gotta deal with THIS disgustingness at home?! Fab. Since it took me the majority of the day to remove everything from the house and disinfect it from floor to ceiling with bleach, I did not get the amount of time that I had hoped for last minute study/review/prep. The actual test was on Friday, April 9th and Saturday, April 10th. It is only offered in certain cities and the closest location to Jax was Savannah. Thankfully the bf has family that lives in Savannah and they let us stay with them, so we didn’t have to throw even MORE cash at this money-sucking NCIDQ beast for an overpriced hotel. After loading up a still-sick Dane and Bear-bear into my little RDX and carefully hauling them to the vet to stay for the weekend (talk about a nerve-racking ride – if that level of shitty explosiveness had happened in my vehicle, I’d have just had to push the dog out into traffic and then driven off of a bridge – there is no amount of steam cleaning or Febreze that coulda fixed that), we headed to Savannah on the evening of the 8th. I was feeling pretty good because I had all of my study stuff ready to go in the car and I had checked fifty times to make sure that I had all my drafting tools, my calculator, pencils, etc., etc. My plan was to study the multiple choice stuff in the car and when we got the the house that night and then study then study the practicum stuff on Friday night.
We arrived and got all settled in and I juuuuuuust sat down with all of my study materials when ZZSSHHHHHJJJJJJJhhh. (That’s the sound of the power cutting off.) I sat there for a few seconds. Nothing. Just darkness. And quiet. Now for studying, the utter silence would not have been so bad. The darkness? Not so much. Makes it a teeensy bit hard to read. So I thought that surely the power would come back on in a matter of minutes. Ok, so I’ll go ahead and get ready for bed. Got a flashlight – it died midway through brushing my teeth. Okay. Fine. I’ll get a candle. Only by this point the air had been off long enough that it was HOT, and for whatever reason this particular candle emitted an amount of heat equivalent to the surface of the sun. Not to mention that an open flame and ruffling pages of study materials was making me just a little nervous. So I had studied as long as I could take it and went to bed. Sleep did not come easy, however, because the only alarms that we had were our cell phones and they were both on their last battery legs, and need I remind you that the power was off and there was no way to charge them… I was terrified that I was going to oversleep and they make it perfectly clear that if you are late to the test, you WILL be locked out and you WILL NOT be allowed to take it. Anyone who knows me knows that being on time is not (and never has been) my forte, so I was already nervous enough, but now the thought of no alarm?! Terrified. It turned out that the power came back on after about 4 hours, so I knew my phone would be charged and I finally got some sleep.
I left with plenty of time to get to the test site (30 miles away), and my trusty navigation took me right to the building. The only problem was that I couldn’t find anywhere to PARK. And let me just mention that the test was given on MLK, Jr. Blvd., so I didn’t really want to be running around too much down there. I drove and drove and drove around in circles and couldn’t find a single parking place. I was getting frustrated and anxious and it was getting way to close to test time, so I finally just parked in some random parking deck and had to RUN – and I mean R-U-N – ten blocks to the test center. Panting and sweating, I got to the front doors. Locked. OHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!! You’ve GOT to be kidding me. Again, I ran around to the side of the building frantically looking for an open door. 5 minutes ’til test time. I FINALLY find a door that looks right and there is a security guard sitting right on the other side of it. I frantically pull on the door – locked again. The guard looks at me like I’m crazy, puts down her doughnut, wedges the tiny stool out from in between her giant asscrack and moseys on over to casually open the door. REALLY? Why oh why must I be tested like this? She finally, FINALLY points me in the right direction and I make it to the test room with two minutes to spare.
It took about fifteen minutes to get my heart rate back to where I couldn’t actually hear it in my ears, and it took about 30 minutes for me to stop coughing up the massive quantities of south Georgia pollen that I had inhaled on my little pre-test jog, but after that I settled into the groove of the test and I was rockin’ and rollin’. It was only slightly distracting that the test center was settled conveniently between the Savannah welcome center, train tracks, and a major freeway, and the fact that the building was a little bit older and every time the air clicked on it sounded reminicient of ohhhh say like a shotgun blast wasn’t bothersome at all. Oh and I forgot to mention that the best part about the welcome center is that they give Trolley rides every fifteen minutes!!! So every so often there was a little ”DING DING” and for a good five minutes after every “ding”, all I could think about was how much I mysteriously craved Rice-a-roni. It is, after all, the San Fransisco treat. DING DING!
So I got through the first half of the multiple choice and we had an hour for lunch. By this point I had finally figured out where I was supposed to park, so I had just enough time to truck it over to get my car, pick up a lunchable from a scary gas station where the only other lunch option was hot wings, and move over to the correct lot while trying to stack cheese slices and round processed meat patties onto the little crackers and shove them into my mouth. Not a relaxing lunch, but I went back in there and powered out the second half of the multiple choice and headed back to the house to study for Saturday.
As far as travel time and actually getting to the test site, Saturday was much better than Friday. But the test was HARD. And I mean HARD. It was eight solid hours of on-your-feet drafting, reading, processing, problem solving…. I have never gone that long with every single neuron in my brain firing as hard as they were firing and it was absolutely exhausting. The good part of this though is that the eight hours FLEW by. The second I plopped into my car when the test was over, it hit me like a ton of bricks. My back hurt, my feet hurt, I could hardly feel the fingers on my right hand from all of the drafting, and my brain was so tired I could hardly see straight. The thirty mile drive home is a blur. All I know is that when I finally made it to the house, the bf and his whole family were soooooooooo excited and all they wanted to do was hug me and congratulate me and go out to dinner and hang out on the boat… they had a big celebratory evening planned. They were even all waiting for me in the driveway, but when I stepped out of the car I just started crying. Uncontrollably. I went straight into the house, took off my shoes, and curled up under the covers with the lights off in the fetal position for a good thirty minutes. The bf tried to comfort me and all I can remember saying is something to the effect of “I hate everything”… I had a straight up nervous breakdown! It was awful. Thank goodness it only lasted for about 45 minutes and then I scraped myself up, took a shower, and we all headed out on the boat to a GREAT seafood restaurant. All in all in was a great night – except when one of the family friends who also happened to be dining at the same establishment asked me how my “decorator’s test” went… SOMEBODY GET THE BAMBOO CHUTES!!!!! Thankfully before I could even go off the rails on this girl, the bf set her straight with a quickness.
SO, now only 12 short weeks until I get the results. I honestly have no idea if I passed or not. I hope like hell that I did… I have no desire to go through that again. But pass or fail, I have to say that for the first time in I don’t even know HOW long, I feel genuinely proud of myself. This was a huge accomplishment and I learned SO much. While I wait for the scores I am updating my portfolio – something that I shamefully haven’t done in years – and I rejoined ASID (American Society for Interior Design). Hey, it was only $400 to reinstate! Who doesn’t have an extra four-hundred smacks just laying around?! But it doesn’t matter – it is important to me and I am really excited about it. There is a continuing education conference that I am going to next week on my day off – it’s in Orlando and it’s going to be great. I figured that if I can’t get a job doing what I want to do yet, I can at least start making some connections at these events and learning some stuff and adding some good things to my resume. And another great part is that when I move from Florida and the NCIDQ certification isn’t required, it puts me in a totally different bracket from other job applicants. And we all know that whatever edge you can get in this job market sure as hell doesn’t hurt! I really feel like everything is getting back on track and I love, love, love that I can see the light at the end of the dog-shit tunnel!
Now if I could just get everyone straightened out on this “decorator” thing….
