My First Job Ad – Can’t Wait to See What the Cat Drags In! September 23, 2009
Posted by katie @ k.c.i.d. in Uncategorized.1 comment so far
Fact: There are a few things that apparently are “my responsibility” at the vet that I have no idea how to do. So far all of these things I have muddled through and everything has been okay. I mean, no one has died or anything like that. Well, no one that wasn’t supposed to anyway – sorry Bootsy. My point is this… I have no idea how to interview and/or hire someone. Like AT ALL. I know what I’ve been asked in interviews, and I know that it involves filling out some paperwork and stuff like that, but other than that? Total loss.
It came to my attention that I will have to master the art of the hiring process sooner than anticipated, because our kennel girl is starting school. So, good for her. Bad for me. My first challenge? Creating an ad for literally the shittiest job on the planet.
Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:
Position Available: Kennel Technician at a local animal hospital
Job Description: Applicant must own a watch and/or timepiece of some description. Punctuality is a job requirement, so mastery of telling time on said timepiece is paramount. Applicant must be able to monitor the urinary and bowel production of multiple animals (of both the canine and feline persuasion) and consequently pooper-scoop the aforementioned bowel production for placement into the most putrid smelling of all trash receptacles. Applicant must also be able to empty trash receptacle sans regurgitation, and carry the contents a short 100 yards to the dumpster.
Applicant will also be responsible for bathing animals. Bathing includes hoisting writhing, feces-encrusted, often ferocious animals, into the tub. Once in the tub, animals must be cleaned throughly. A through cleaning includes a detailed shampoo (removing any fecal mats around nether regions), clipping toenails (a muzzle may or may not be required), and using Gladiator-sized q-tips to remove waxy, repugnant build-up from animal’s ears.
Kennel tech will also be responsible for cleaning out kennels once boarding animals vacate. This includes removal of any waste materials such as feces, vomit, and urine, and sanitation of kennel floors and walls.
Applicant must also be willing and able to clean toilets, mop, vacuum, empty trash cans, and/or any other task deemed too revolting to be completed by the office staff.
Applicant must be up to date on tetanus shot. Position pay is minimum wage.
I feel like the applications will be FLOODING in. And I think that dealing with the caliber of person that applies for this particular type of job will be a real personal treat for me!
The first unsuspecting bastard strolled in to apply yesterday. One of the questions on the application questionnaire is do you own any pets? He wrote (God’s honest truth): “Yes but they is all fishes.”
Let the hiring begin!
