Crap on My Desk & A New Folgers Jingle

 

wake up and smell the WHAT?!

The vet continues to be an adventure.  I really love it – the animals are precious and I love getting to help them.  And yes, I still crack up laughing at something inappropriate at least once a day.  And the best part is that it’s usually the owners that I laugh at.  Like I said before, people are bat shit crazy when it comes to their pets.  There are three incidents that come to mind when I think of the list of things that I have inappropriately laughed at over the last week or so. 

The first is when a couple (two guys who are clearly more than friends) came in with their precious pooch.  So I’m chatting them up and just the way the “wife” is talking is about to make me crack up hysterically.  Soooooo dramatic and prissy and hand gesture-y.  So they go back for Chance’s exam and come out about thirty minutes later.  I went to the computer to check them out and notice that the doctor has put on Poochy’s chart “OBESITY” in biiiiiiig red letters.  It is then I notice that Wifey is on the phone and borderline hysterical.  This is the side of the conversation that I could hear:  (think prissy, dramatic, hand-gestures, and lots of “ssssssss” sounds)

“OH MA GAWD – Tony guess WHAT!  My dog is FAT.  No.  Yes.  No, I’m not kidding.  My dog is f-a-t, FAT.  No.  Yeah, he has to go on a DIET.  I KNOW.  Yes.  She put “OBESE” in big red letters on his chart.  Ohmagawd I just have to deal with this right now.  I’ll call you later.”

It was all I could do to calm them down and get them out of there.  Especially without me first cracking up laughing right to their faces.  Poor guys.  I see a treadmill and 8-minute Abs in Chance’s future. 

The second thing that happened (that I didn’t so much laugh at) was when a lady came in to have her dog’s anal gland expressed.  ‘Nuff said.  I realize that for some people it’s part of having a dog, but it’s gross and it makes me cringe when people call to come in and have this done.  So Mrs. Client comes in and is sitting in the waiting room for a few minutes.  We take the dog back, do the deed, and I bring him back up front.  The receptionist checks Mrs. Client out and as she’s breezing out the door she looks at me and casually says, “Oh, my dog whizzed right there” and points to the shelf by the door containing the dog biscuits and treats and such.  And then she’s gone.  I mean SERIOUSLY?!  Who the hell does that?!  I know there’s lots of smells and stuff and then dogs get excited and all of that, but DAMN.  You’re not even gonna pretend like you are going to clean it up?!  Nope.  The one good thing I can say about being the manager is that I can easily delegate the task of cleaning up the dog’s “whiz”, which makes me really popular with the staff.  (j/k – they love me, seriously.)

Now the third thing didn’t so much make me laugh in a “ha-ha funny” kind of way, but more of a “ha-ha-wtf?” kind of way.  I know that if any of you have not actually uttered the words, you have at least heard them…  “MAN I have so much crap on my desk!”  Well, so far it has only been at this job when I say that sentence do I mean it quite literally.  You know it’s going to be a good day when you walk in and THIS is the first thing you see…

well good morning to you too!

 Yeah that’s right, to begin my day at 7:30 a.m. there is an envelope with shit in it sitting on my desk.  Wake up and smell the coffee?  Nope.  Wake up and smell the terd that is sitting on top of your notebook.  Could be a catchy new jingle for Folgers though…  “The best part of wakin’ up is doo-doo on your stuff!”

The owner of this particular dog called later that day to make sure that I had received her little package.  Apparently she had taped it on the front door of the office on her way to work.  She said, “I was crackin’ myself up leavin’ poop on your door!”  To which I replied, “At least you didn’t light it on fire and ring the doorbell.”  She didn’t see the humor.